I Hate Fantasy Football Players pt. 3
Chris Robin https://twitter.com/DetroitBeastie
When’s the last time a sequel was better then the original? When you enter into trilogy territory that’s when you know you’ve got a hit!
Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Godfather, Back to the Future and The Mighty Ducks are all on the list of greatest movie combos ever. If you’re into 1980’s horror slasher flicks like me, then a trilogy has a greater meaning! Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street.
I’ve always antiquated football with the fall. The fall with horror movies. I Hate Fantasy Football Players deserved a third part thus, making it a trilogy. When discussing horror movie trilogies there are a few rules to discuss.
If you missed the first two here there are! https://www.dfscheatsheet.com/i-hate-fantasy-football-players/nfl/05/
1. Sex = Death
2. Don’t drink and do drugs
3. Never say “I’ll be right back!”
4. Sequels are always bigger and bloodier
5. Sequel killers are basically superhuman
6. Anyone can die in a sequel
On social media you see everything! On social media anything goes. I look at fantasy football on Twitter and Facebook as being in an actual horror movie! The owners listed below are the same as a masked man carrying a large knife! They will chase you down, cause anxiety and murder your fantasy football joy!
1. Glad it’s a free league guy
I’m no big shot. I truly understand the excitement of drafting and building a team. Certain website allow you to draft at an instant. In turn you get people racking up 20-25+ free leagues and deserting most of them by week 3. Not to be rude but that’s none of my business. What is our business are all the preposterous trade offer screen shots littering social media. I don’t know about you but it tests my patience. Would you send and accept half the offers you receive if your current home league was free?
2. “Thoughts” guy
Literally the worst! From what I’ve seen a lot of fantasy football groups on social media have banned this exact statement! Made this trade, thoughts? Most of these questions don’t include league size, scoring format or current roster. At this point in the article hopefully you’re upset. Just as pissed as I am! Please dear Lord don’t be thoughts guy! It’s lazy and upsets people! Most of the time there is a huge fight in the comment section. People get upset and they answer with a smartass reply. That leads to more smartass comments and before you know it there’s a full blown Royal Rumble going on.
3. Will I win guy?
If you have to ask probably not. Before we jump to conclusions I do get the idea. Some of us are wound tight. We get nervous. We want others to back us up. In all my years of playing fantasy football I’ve never seen anything good come from this question. In today’s day and age of social media you’ll always wind getting made fun of and/or put down. Trolls right? They are everywhere!
4. Get back in 5 guy
We all know what this is. The blow off move. When another team owner is scared or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, “I’ll be right baaaaaaack!” No you won’t!
5. Over thinking guy
Hopefully by now you understand I’m not putting anybody down. Heck, I’ve done each and every one of these! Over thinking anything is just a by product of being thorough. Wanting to be absolutely right in every way. Which as you know is impossible! If it seems too good to be true it usually is. If it feels off and not right it usually is. With fantasy sports so prevalent on social media now a days a quick poll should do the trick. Or a quick message to your most trusted friend. Nothing good comes from over thinking. It creates unwanted stress and anxiety. The whole point of this is fun! Connecting with others. Building relationships with others. Make a decision and stick with it! Easier said then done I know but just try it this week! Lets see what happens.
6. Toilet tinkered guy
Some of my best work is done on the toilet! Not bring crass or rude, it’s just the truth! We can tinker with our seasonal lineups and our DFS lines and both are deadly! Everybody has a smart phone. Meaning we have everything at our finger tips at a moments notice! Games, banking apps, news apps, sports apps and our fantasy sports apps. Oh! What better time to check the waiver wire while we have a few moments alone on the toilet right? I set my seasonal lineup Sunday night or Monday morning for the following week. I check back Tuesday to get in my waiver claims. Wednesday morning I shuffle my roster around and leave it be! Sunday morning I check the news and injuries and give it one last look over before lock at 1p EST. My point, if we make our decisions early in the week they come from a place of confidence! A gut reaction that is normally right and spot on! When it comes to DFS enter enter all week then edit right before lock. Tinkering will be the death of your team. Unless that’s the fun?
7. Victory lap guy
This is a huge topic of discussion on social media. For those of you who don’t know let me briefly explain. A victory lap is just a told you so. A parade thrown for yourself after getting a certain projection or ranking correct. For example, “Ahhhh I told you Ke’Shawn Vaughn wasn’t a top-10 dynasty rookie RB!”. Vaughn has been in street clothes so far this season meaning the victory lappers have decided enough time has passed to solidify their stance on him. I’m being objective here! No opinion one way or another. Just shining light on the topic. Most recently victory lappers will now ask ahead of time. For example, “May I take my victory lap on Brandin Cooks now?” which is very thoughtful and we all appreciate you! In some cases the victory lapper will lay out their plans, “If Julian Edleman doesn’t catch 10 passes today I’m going to take my victory lap.” Another nice and thoughtful idea. I’ve also noticed their have been a few rules placed on victory lapping. To me, the most important one, the injury victory lap. Don’t victory lap when a player gets hurt. That’s in poor taste right? Overall I find the victory lap very perplexing.
8. Inappropriate group chat guy
We all know this guy. Most of the time we tell each other, “Oh don’t mind Steve he’s a miserable human being to begin with!” Steve is always sending awful meme’s or sexually explicit photos/videos in you leagues group chat. In certain cases that’s all he’s known for. We even stick up for him in advance of said meme’s and gif’s. “I want to warn you Chris, Steve is a little off and he says weird things sometimes.” It helps soften the blow. If you’re reading this and laughing hysterically saying, “dang that’s funny but we don’t have a guy like Steve in our group chat!” Then you’re Steve! You’re the inappropriate group chat guy! Never change Steve!
9. Neglects an entire position guy
This one is exactly what you think it is! Zero RB guy! Or zero WR guy. Let’s fool around during the draft and try to outsmart everybody else! In the end it never works out well. Let’s say over the years a team was orphaned in your league. New owner comes in and trades most of the talent away. In turn, they have Julio Jones, Davante Adams and Michael Thomas at WR. Pretty sweet right? Until you notice their starting RB’s are Frank Gore and LeSean McCoy. A top heavy team that never really competes due to neglect at one position. Again, it’s none of my business how you run your team. That’s the beauty of this! We’re our own teams general manager! Just bringing awareness.
10. Commish with no plan guy
Full disclosure, I was struggling with the last, “Guy” on this list. Ten is just a nice round number. When have you read a list that ended with nine. After the breaking news Cam Newton tested positive for COVID-19 and the New England at Kansas City was delayed a lot of fantasy managers were scrambling for replacements. Even more so after the postponement of Pittsburgh at Tennessee. Throughout the weekend I’ve seen a ton of advice and overall disappointment in leagues commissioners. Rightfully so if you’re now left holding you hat with an incomplete roster. We all knew this 2020 NFL season was going to be unlike any season we’ve experienced before. Certain votes were cast before the draft and some after. Any way you slice it we need contingency plans. Anything! To sit back and do nothing isn’t fair. It’s not right to us and all fantasy managers alike.
Hope you had fun! Is the idea now dead? Like Michael Myers at the end of Halloween? Who knows! You’ll just have to wait and see!
Thank you for reading! Any questions or comments?
Did I miss someone? Who would you add? Let’s talk about it!
Find me on Twitter right here! https://twitter.com/DetroitBeastie
Or on DFScheatsheets.com https://twitter.com/dfscheatsheet1