Goat Milk & Tissues
3/17/20
Chris Robin https://twitter.com/DetroitBeastie

Was looking for the right time to panic. Tom Brady leaving the New England Patriots is that time. I’m officially freaking out. As I sit down to write, it’s 3p Eastern time. I’ve gone through four boxes of tissues, a gallon of chocolate ice cream and an absurd amount of soap due to hand washing. My life has no purpose. We’re all getting sick. I’m naked and afraid.

None of that is true! Wouldn’t it be weird if I acted that way?

Given the current state of affairs in the United States, an American football quarterback leaving a sports franchise isn’t high on my priority list. To be fair, I get it. There has been absolutely nothing going on in terms of sports. Hockey has been suspended, basketball has been paused and baseball has been shut down. Normally there is so much going on sports wise this time of year that it’ll make your head spin. We’ve been reduced to nothing.

TB12 announcing his departure today, with the current landscape of professional sports, is purely genius. It actually tips the scales at evil genius. What a time to be alive!

Tom Brady looking to take over Dr. Evil and #2

Imagine sitting in your massive mansion on a pile of cash with your super model wife and still wanting more? Can’t picture it? Let’s try again! Imagine sitting in a locker room surrounded by six Lombardi trophies, multiple Super Bowl MVP awards and billionaire Robert Kraft and still wanting more? Still not moving the needle? Ok, ok lets try again! Imagine playing in the yard with your happy and healthy kids, A-list celebrity friends there and still wanting more? I could do this all day. Think you get the point.

Every spy film or Mike Myers flick starts the same way. There’s a guy who wants to take over the world and people are sent to stop him. Tom Brady is trending in that direction. This man has it all yet still wants more! Most people throw around the term, “has it all” and its only an exaggeration. This time its real! Tom literally has IT ALL! The perfect timing of his tweet this morning followed by another decision coming soon sets the stage for a massive announcement.

Sharks with laser beams

Football aside, do I really believe sharks with freaking laser beams on their heads is a real possibility? No! What about a massive satellite in space that can blow up countries at a moments notice? No! “Pay me the sum of one billion dollars or I will release a virus so nasty that the world will come to a stand still!” Well Tom, we’re already there.

Has the thought ever occurred to anyone that Tom Brady is the mastermind behind the Corona virus? Just so he would have center stage when leaving New England today? Sounds nuts right? Maybe I’m going crazy with no sports and no DFS action. We’re still allowed to have fun right?

At this moment in time anything is possible. TB12 being an evil genius is not one of them. I’ve been a fan since his Michigan days. I respect what he’s done. I respect the man that he is. All good things come to an end. Watching him play in New England over the years against the likes of Peyton Manning have been a joy to watch. There are so many rivalries and entertaining games I could mention. We all know what we’ve seen and the joy it has brought us. To me, it was the golden era of professional football. As a thirty-five year old man the past 20 years of the New England/Tom Brady dynasty has taken up 57.15 % of my life. One could say it’s all I’ve really known in terms of football.

Brady v Manning

It would’ve been too easy and corny to open the article with my love for TB12 and get into all he’s done throughout his career. Plus I don’t normally write that way. There’s not much you can say about TB12 that hasn’t already been published. He’s the best ever.

Has anyone every seen the meme’s or short videos of men if we didn’t think about sex? How productive and successful we’d be? I only mention that because that’s how I feel now. Only replace sex with sports. I’m single so sex is in short supply for me too. With the suspension of all sports maybe I have truly have lost it? Any way you slice it I’ve gone down a much more interesting and wild creative path.

Continue to stay safe! Wash your hands and talk soon!

Chris Robin https://twitter.com/DetroitBeastie

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